5 reasons I would attend a wedding

Wedding invitations are coming from every direction lately. I’m too old for this. Here are my conditions for attending your “special day”.

This is your first hetero/gay/bi/trans marriage (all right, for at least ONE of the happy couple).
We have known each other for over 10 years.
You are marrying in a locale I’ve never been AND would love to see.
A Baby Mama, who is not the bride, is invited to the glorious day for sheer entertainment.
Either my Mother or Todd is demanding that I attend and it’s not a hill I want to die on by refusing.

Meet three of these conditions and I will most likely attend. Ideally, it is only for the dinner/dance portion of the day as the religious portion gives me hives.